Don't Postpone Joy

You can't take back the things you've seen here

The Alison Brie Phone Call

I like to think I know a lot of people. I also like to think I’m a pretty good friend and I do my best to keep in contact with everybody. But every so often, that friend of yours goes above and beyond for you, and makes your day.

I’ve known Brendan since my freshman year of college. We met during orientation, and following the path of my high school friend Taylor, I ended up in his room. I was fairly meek and quiet, and this water polo player who offered my something to drink (something I didn’t do at this point yet) before a random freshman dorm party, seemed nice enough. As my roommate and I went home, laughing about the weird and overcrowded dorm basement party, I didn’t know I’d be seeing Brendan a few days later. And then, a day or two after that. Brendan and I remained friends because we were both so ridiculous, so over the top, and loved our respective nerdiness and truly random friendship.

I’ve given Brendan a fair amount of a hard time in our late junior and senior years, as he’s often been busy and blown me off at random times. I, in turn, will often make him buy a pitcher of beer and run away, or bitch and grumble about little things. We spent the last few weekends running all over Orange County shooting a viral video thing. The topic of our video, about the best pictures of the year, kept bringing us back to the Sundance film festival, going on this week in Park City, Utah. We talked about which movie he’s going to see, he began listing them off

“…and Celeste and Jesse forever”

“You bastard. Did you get tickets for the Mike Birbiglia one?”

“Who?”

“Nevermind”

“Oh, and I’ve got tickets for Save the Date”

“No way. Isn’t that the one with Alison Brie?”

“Uh…maybe? I’ll have to look her up”

“Brendan, look at me. If you meet Alison Brie, for the love of God, have her call me.”

(For anyone with their head buried in the sand, Alison Brie is the wonderful actress whose in Mad Men and Community, as well as in Five Year Engagement and a host of other projects. And along with Anna Kendrick and Sara Bareilles, she is my celebrity crush.)

That was three weeks ago. I was sitting through a philosophy class today, my phone on silent but out on my desk for text messages, when Brendan calls. We had been texting a little bit, and I knew today was the day he was seeing Save the Date. But, it was an afternoon movie, not even the premiere. There’s no way…. I pick up and run to the hallway

“Cliff! CLIFF! Do you have a line ready?”

Now I’m the one speechless. “What?”

“A line! A good line! Here we….here you go.”

There’s a pause, and some shuffling. The silence is killing me. I don’t know wha—

“Hi, Cliff?” says the most angelic voice to ever say that phrase.

“Hi…Alison Brie?”

“Haha, yup, it’s Alison Brie.” I’m officially dying, at this point. It’s not that she’s famous, or that she’s extremely pretty. I’ve dealt with all that before meeting people through stand-up. It’s that same feeling I got when I sat next to a girl named Kelsey in my sixth grade class. She’s just, simply, my nerdy celebrity crush. Except you never expect your celebrity crush to call in the middle of class.

The rest of the conversation was pleasant. She was in the middle of meet and greets, but sat on the phone with me for a minute and a half talking about Sundance, about her time, about Brendan, about a bunch of little things. She authentically told me I made her day, which i thought was very sweet, but when Brendan gave me back the phone, he simply said “No, dude, that seriously made her day. She got a huge smile and got all excited”.

I went a million miles for hour talking to Brendan about it, relaying my excitement and gratitude. As i’ve mentioned before, I’m 21 years old and should not be as excited as I was for this shit at thirteen. Yet in the same respect, why not? I love being excited about these kind of things (of course, significantly more contained now as other stories will suggest), and I love when my friends and I do this kind of stuff for each other. Everyone’s sent a picture or a call regarding something important to someone they care about, why not take it a step further and get that person on the line?

I’m really grateful to Alison, for taking time out to make my day because I missed out on a trip I could no way afford (left that part out of the phone convo, not very sexy). And I’m thankful for Brendan, for doing the job I don’t know if I would’ve had the guts to. I mean, have you seen her Christmas baby dance in Community? Game over.

Last Comic Standing In The Rain

I mentioned this audition awhile ago and finally got around to writing the actual article, and Yahoo was interested in hosting it! Check out one of my first big steps into, you know, whatever the crap I’m doing now

Cliff Clinton Talks Super Bowl and What it Means to him

Hey readers, I’d really appreciate you reading this really short piece. I’m getting paid a bit for each article, but if you like it, feel free to reblog it to my utter appreciation. But either way, read it a little!

Five Pieces of History That Are Worth a Little Extra Reading

Forgive me, fair internet, but for the last few weeks to pay rent I’ve been backlogged with articles about septic tanks and random internet hosting and the super bowl and college tuition. I’ve written about nothing fun, and I wonder if anyone reading my shit has caught onto my feigned enthusiasm (I repeat: septic tanks). So, I need this. I also need to keep visualizing that I’m gonna have a little extra money to rent more movies and buy more wine and be able to take pretty girls on dates. Oh, and gas for the car. But until then, allow me a little indulgence

I, essentially, am a history nerd. I love reading biographies and histories and just, well, stories. And here are five you probably don’t know too much about

  • The Great Assassins of U.S. History: I can confess that I didn’t really learn about this the way I learned about the rest of these. I was turned onto this topic by, well, a musical. Stephen Sondheim’s semi-fictional work, “Assassins” on the mentality of these anti-heroes when put together in the same space, is riveting. But when you actually begin to do the research, the stories of the people who missed is as interesting as the people whose shots landed: From David Herold to Charles Guiteau to Squeaky Fromme to everyone in between and outside is nuts. What can drive a person to essentially play king of the hill with a human life? Nuts.
  • The Formation of the Transcontinental Railroad: It’s one of those stories I’m shocked isn’t a modern day action movie yet: Two companies get contracts for half of a project, and are essentially trying to do it as cheaply as possible. Men came from miles to get a bit of work and excitement, especially immigrants, and it’s got everything from the emergence of the mobile whore houses (they had to follow the men as they moved across the country) and a lot of extreme deaths involving Chinese immigrants and explosives. It’s part sad, part riveting, but on the whole an interesting story of how a great method of transportation came to be.
  • Homosexuality and The Holocaust: Again, I got into this in a way I wasn’t expecting. I had three classes I could take to fill one credit of my religious studies minor. I ended up in this one, purely by scheduling, and I’ve never looked back. I’ve been afforded the opportunity to have dinner with a lot of Holocaust survivors, meet the youngest man on Oscar Schindler’s actual list, and really experience a lot in terms of this dark period. But there are a lot of victims in the Holocaust that schools don’t go over, and the stance that Germany had towards a population completely shifted as Hitler came to power, and that’s something chronicling.
  • 1920’s Los Angeles: This might be my favorite time period, and of course television shows like Boardwalk Empire are highlighting other parts of the country at this time. But it’s a history lesson I’ve gotten since I was named, the story of Clifford Clinton and how he tried to stop corruption in his hometown, which resulted in his house being bombed. It’s also a really interesting view of mobsters in this time that Los Angeles doesn’t often get credit for. Also See: Mexico in the 1920’s (also known as the birth place of the culture that produced the phrase “That Shit Cray”)
  • The Game Show Scandals: Anyone interested in entertainment at all should read a bit about this. Sure, it may not be as crazy or graphic as a lot of my other recommendations, but there was such a bit scandal that was being manipulated by so many people that you can’t help but be interested in the story. The movie “Quiz Show” targets the game show 21, NBC’s hallmark trivia show, but it wasn’t the only one. In fact, wherever there was a birth of a non-fiction drama there was a bit of a scandal. Late Night Wars is a fun pick up for that kind of thing too
stfuconservatives: radioinactivity: kiddblink: le-me-in-a-hat: Real http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/12/31/396018/breaking-obama-signs-defense-authorization-bill/ TL;DR The President’s opponents played the electorate like a fiddle and will get away with it because people don’t seem to realize they’ve been tricked into being angry at the wrong person. He signed it because if he didn’t, defense spending including benefits to veterans and their families would not have been authorized. The sections of NDAA that many people here seem to have a problem with are sections that were added into the document by primarily Republican legislators and which the President adamantly opposes but was powerless to stop. I’ll repeat that: the parts of this bill that many people here hate were included against the President’s wishes and in a way that he is powerless to stop. The only way he could have stopped these sections from being included would have been to try to veto the bill in its entirety, a move that would have been both political suicide as well as being futile, as Congress would simply have overridden him. He is explicit in his opposition to exactly the parts of the bill everyone here hates, going so far as to detail exactly which sections he opposes and why. You’ll notice that the bill also restricts his ability to close Guantanamo Bay; this isn’t coincidence. These sections are openly hostile to the President’s stated mandate - they are effectively a giant ‘fuck you’ to the President, as well as a nasty way of eroding the President’s support with his own base. Observe: Draft legislation that is almost guaranteed to piss of the President but more importantly piss of his base. Attach said legislation to another piece of larger, more important legislation like, say, the Defense Spending budget for the entire year so that any attempt to dislodge the offensive legislation will result in a political shitstorm, as well as place the larger legislation in jeopardy. Once attached, begin a PR campaign that highlights the offending legislation and brings it to the attention of as many media outlets as possible - not just the traditional media, but alternative media outlets as well (Fox news, MSNBC, Media Matters, Huff-Po, Infowars, etc.) Here’s where it gets tricky: Simultaneously, speak to both your party’s base and the opposition’s. To your base, argue that the legislation is necessary to ‘Keep America safe’ and that the President, by opposing it, is clearly soft of terrorism and endangering the military by trying to strip the legislation out. At the same time, sit back and watch your opponent’s liberal supporters tear into the offending legislation as being dangerous, anti-democratic, and a threat to civil liberties. You know they will; that’s what they care about most. You’ve designed legislation that will make them froth at the mouth. You don’t even have to keep flogging the message; one look at the legislation will be enough to convince most people that it is anathema to everything they hold dear. Because it is. Pass the ‘parent’ legislation. Doing so forces the President to sign it or attempt to veto it. Since the legislation in question just so happens to be the military’s operating budget, a veto is out of the question. The President must sign the bill, you get the legislation you wanted, but you also practically guarantee that your opponent’s base will be furious at him for passing a bill they see as evil. Even if he tries to explain in detail why he had to sign it and what he hates about it, it won’t matter; ignorance of the American political process, coupled with an almost militant indifference to subtle explanations will almost ensure that most people will only remember that the President passed a bill they hate. Profit. you get the legislation you want, while the President has to contend with a furious base that feels he betrayed them - even though he agrees with their position but simply lacked the legislative tools to stop this from happening. It’s a classic piece of misdirection that needs only two things to work: A lack of principles (or a partisan ideology that is willing to say anything - do anything - to win), and an electorate that is easy to fool. This is pretty basic political maneuvering and the biggest problem is that it almost always works because most people either don’t know or don’t care how their political system actually functions. The President was saddled with a lose-lose situation where he either seriously harmed American defense policy (political suicide), or passed offensive legislation knowing that it would cost him political capital. To all of you here lamenting that you ever voted for this ‘corporate shill’, congratulations: you are the result the Republicans were hoping for. They get the law they want, they get the weakened Presidential candidate they want. And many of you just don’t seem to see that. You don’t have to like your country’s two-party system, but it pays to be able to understand it so that you can recognize when it’s being used like this.  EDIT: thanks to Reddit user Mauve_Cubedweller for this post Agreed, that’s the thing with this whole bill, it’s way more complicated than what the alarmists are making it out to be. The NDAA is not a singular “indefinite detainment” bill, that single article is a huge thing that the Republicans got in to put the President’s back against the wall and ensure that he could never close Guantanamo (which is its own fuck off lose-lose situation). It’s just one of those shitty things where you ask yourself what you would do? No answer you give is free from fucking over lots and lots of people. -Joe This was seen almost instantly, as tweeters (Ellen Barkin, most notably) saw what appeared to be a police round-up of sober civilians a bit past midnight. If you say “That’s not relevant” or “You don’t know what was going on there”, it’s still a reflection of what a right wing nation is trying to aim at. Though for years we’ve been bickering about the dumb stuff, it’s finally gotten scary. I don’t know if I can say I’m proud of my president because there’s no right move here, but I’m certainly disgusted with a large portion of elected officials. If you vote, pull your head out of your ass for a moment (instead of bickering back) and see if any of the elected officials you voted for or support in other gubernatorial races had a hand in this bill

stfuconservatives:

radioinactivity:

kiddblink:

le-me-in-a-hat:

Real

http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/12/31/396018/breaking-obama-signs-defense-authorization-bill/

TL;DR The President’s opponents played the electorate like a fiddle and will get away with it because people don’t seem to realize they’ve been tricked into being angry at the wrong person.

He signed it because if he didn’t, defense spending including benefits to veterans and their families would not have been authorized. The sections of NDAA that many people here seem to have a problem with are sections that were added into the document by primarily Republican legislators and which the President adamantly opposes but was powerless to stop. I’ll repeat that: the parts of this bill that many people here hate were included against the President’s wishes and in a way that he is powerless to stop. The only way he could have stopped these sections from being included would have been to try to veto the bill in its entirety, a move that would have been both political suicide as well as being futile, as Congress would simply have overridden him. He is explicit in his opposition to exactly the parts of the bill everyone here hates, going so far as to detail exactly which sections he opposes and why.

You’ll notice that the bill also restricts his ability to close Guantanamo Bay; this isn’t coincidence. These sections are openly hostile to the President’s stated mandate - they are effectively a giant ‘fuck you’ to the President, as well as a nasty way of eroding the President’s support with his own base. Observe:

  1. Draft legislation that is almost guaranteed to piss of the President but more importantly piss of his base.

  2. Attach said legislation to another piece of larger, more important legislation like, say, the Defense Spending budget for the entire year so that any attempt to dislodge the offensive legislation will result in a political shitstorm, as well as place the larger legislation in jeopardy.

  3. Once attached, begin a PR campaign that highlights the offending legislation and brings it to the attention of as many media outlets as possible - not just the traditional media, but alternative media outlets as well (Fox news, MSNBC, Media Matters, Huff-Po, Infowars, etc.)

  4. Here’s where it gets tricky: Simultaneously, speak to both your party’s base and the opposition’s. To your base, argue that the legislation is necessary to ‘Keep America safe’ and that the President, by opposing it, is clearly soft of terrorism and endangering the military by trying to strip the legislation out. At the same time, sit back and watch your opponent’s liberal supporters tear into the offending legislation as being dangerous, anti-democratic, and a threat to civil liberties. You know they will; that’s what they care about most. You’ve designed legislation that will make them froth at the mouth. You don’t even have to keep flogging the message; one look at the legislation will be enough to convince most people that it is anathema to everything they hold dear. Because it is.

  5. Pass the ‘parent’ legislation. Doing so forces the President to sign it or attempt to veto it. Since the legislation in question just so happens to be the military’s operating budget, a veto is out of the question. The President must sign the bill, you get the legislation you wanted, but you also practically guarantee that your opponent’s base will be furious at him for passing a bill they see as evil. Even if he tries to explain in detail why he had to sign it and what he hates about it, it won’t matter; ignorance of the American political process, coupled with an almost militant indifference to subtle explanations will almost ensure that most people will only remember that the President passed a bill they hate.

  6. Profit. you get the legislation you want, while the President has to contend with a furious base that feels he betrayed them - even though he agrees with their position but simply lacked the legislative tools to stop this from happening. It’s a classic piece of misdirection that needs only two things to work: A lack of principles (or a partisan ideology that is willing to say anything - do anything - to win), and an electorate that is easy to fool.

This is pretty basic political maneuvering and the biggest problem is that it almost always works because most people either don’t know or don’t care how their political system actually functions. The President was saddled with a lose-lose situation where he either seriously harmed American defense policy (political suicide), or passed offensive legislation knowing that it would cost him political capital. To all of you here lamenting that you ever voted for this ‘corporate shill’, congratulations: you are the result the Republicans were hoping for. They get the law they want, they get the weakened Presidential candidate they want. And many of you just don’t seem to see that. You don’t have to like your country’s two-party system, but it pays to be able to understand it so that you can recognize when it’s being used like this. 

EDIT: thanks to Reddit user Mauve_Cubedweller for this post

Agreed, that’s the thing with this whole bill, it’s way more complicated than what the alarmists are making it out to be. The NDAA is not a singular “indefinite detainment” bill, that single article is a huge thing that the Republicans got in to put the President’s back against the wall and ensure that he could never close Guantanamo (which is its own fuck off lose-lose situation).

It’s just one of those shitty things where you ask yourself what you would do? No answer you give is free from fucking over lots and lots of people.

-Joe

This was seen almost instantly, as tweeters (Ellen Barkin, most notably) saw what appeared to be a police round-up of sober civilians a bit past midnight. If you say “That’s not relevant” or “You don’t know what was going on there”, it’s still a reflection of what a right wing nation is trying to aim at. Though for years we’ve been bickering about the dumb stuff, it’s finally gotten scary. I don’t know if I can say I’m proud of my president because there’s no right move here, but I’m certainly disgusted with a large portion of elected officials. If you vote, pull your head out of your ass for a moment (instead of bickering back) and see if any of the elected officials you voted for or support in other gubernatorial races had a hand in this bill

(via swani)

Europe, this is why we can’t give you nice things.

thedailywhat:

Wrongest Answer Ever of the Day: Couple wins big on the British game show Who Wants To Lose A Million Pounds By Providing A Really Dumb Answer To A Really Easy Question?.

[dpaf.]

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Neon Hitch

—No Hands (Cover)

Neon Hitch- No Hands (Waka Flaka Cover)

Dance, it’s the weekend