1. 100 Life Lessons I Learned from How I Met Your Mother

    I originally wrote most of this for the 100th episode of How I Met Your Mother. I just didn’t finish it in time. But now, almost a year later, here is that list, finally finished. Enjoy

    1.      Love is really an up and down journey with a happy ending

    2.      Friends who are dating when you are single sucks (“Pilot”)

    3.      There’s always time to write a paper (“The Purple Giraffe”)

    4.      Don’t ever give up crazy times with your friends (“The Sweet Taste of Liberty”)

    5.      Things you may not have liked before may not be that bad later on (“Return of the Shirt”)

    6.      Clubs are terrible (“OK Awesome”)

    7.      Dude. It’s a party…on a YACHT (“Slutty Pumpkin”)

    8.      I’ll probably never use eHarmony (“Matchmaker)

    9.      Minnesota is an extremely tall place (“Belly Full of Turkey”)

    10.   I honestly got too drunk last night to remember the lesson for this (“The Pineapple Incident”)

    11.   You always need a Get Psyched Mixtape (“The Limo”)

    12.   RSVP six or seven times if you’re bringing the girl of your dreams. Plan in advance (“The Wedding”)

    13.   You know what, go to weddings single. See what happens (“Drumroll, Please)

    14.   Sexually deprived roommates suck (“Zip, Zip, Zip”)

    15.   Ex-girlfriends…high five (“Game Night”)

    16.   Long relationship doesn’t work (“Cupcake”)

    17.   You can fit in or you can stand out (“Life Among the Gorillas”)

    18.   Nothing Good Ever Happens after 2 a.m.

    19.   “I’m a paralegal” “You’re a prostitute” (“Mary the Paralegal”)

    20.   Let’s be honest, Colbie Smulders and Allison Hannigan? Yes (“Best Prom Ever”)

    21.   Perfect isn’t always perfect (“Milk”)

    22.   You win some, you lose some. And by some, I mean the love of your life (“Come On”)

    23.    “If you go online, you can see what she’s doing in real time” (“Where Were We?”)

    24.   Everyone loves magic. And college girls (“The Scorpion and the Toad”)

    25.   Brunch is for couples. That’s it. And families. But not alone (“Brunch”)

    26.   Put sex before your actual occupation. See what happens (“Ted Mosby: Architect”)

    27.   Never keep food at your place. Otherwise, breakfast (“World’s Greatest Couple”)

    28.   Preschool psychology doesn’t work in the real world (“Aldrin Justice”)

    29.   Swarley. Just, honestly, the best thing ever

    30.   Find the jellybean (“Atlantic City”)

    31.   5 slaps over eternity < 10 slaps immediately (“Slap Bet”)

    32.   Body language will tell you a lot about a person’s availability (“Single Stamina”)

    33.   Never call someone a Grinch. (“How Lily Stole Christmas”)

    34.   Losing your virginity is nothing like visiting the Empire State Building (“First time in New York”)

    35.   Bros love nude portraits of themselves (“Columns”)

    36.   Never miss big events with big endings if you don’t wanna know the end; Super Bowl, M Night Shamaylan movies, etc (“Monday Night Football”)

    37.   Free Ride the Subway could honestly be the worst idea ever after a marathon (“Lucky Penny”)

    38.   You are not allowed to keep things from your exes. Unless they are awesome. Or a dog (“Stuff”)

    39.   The Pretenders make the best roadtrip songs (“Arrivederci, Fiero”)

    40.   The closer proximity you live to the club/bar where you spend most of your nights, the increased likeliness of getting a girl to go home with you (“Moving Day”)

    41.   Strippers don’t like to be interrupted. (“Bachelor Party”)

    42.   Bob Barker is your father (“Showdown”)

    43.   “Hat. We thought of Native American Headdress but we couldn’t think of hat.” (“Something Borrowed”)

    44.   Wait for it. (“Something Blue”)

    45.   Coincidentally, “Wait for it” was a pretty terrible episode

    46.   Picking up chicks is easier in other cities. Or, if you lie and say you’re from another city (“We’re not from here)

    47.   “Don’t Postpone Joy” (“The Third Wheel”)

    48. No one remembers the girlfriends who weren’t Victoria or Sarah Chalke (“Little Boys”)

    49. There is a proportional relationship to “hot” and “crazy”. We all knew this, but now it’s scientific (“How I Met Everyone Else”)

    50. Every job title is more important when you incorporate “Sex” into the title (such as Sex Architect) (“I’m Not that Guy”)

    51. In life, it is best to read between the lines (“Dowisetrepla”)

    52. If you are close enough to your friends, you can forgive them for the little things that drive you nuts (“Spoiler Alert”)

    53. There is no escape (“Slapsgiving”)

    54. In life, there is never such a thing as “too much” or “out of your league”. It is all about perspective (“The Yips”)

    55. Never, ever, ever “love” thy neighbor (“The Platinum Rule”)

    56. The writers strike hurt everyone. Especially us, who suffered for months without HIMYM only to be “rewarded” with this (“No Tomorrow”)

    57. You’ll never know where you’ll find love these day. Or Britney Spears for that matter. Gurl is crazy (“Ten Sessions”)

    58. Pissed off women will ruin you (“The Bracket”)

    59. In the business world, there is much yelling. That yelling only goes in one direction; from the top of the corporate world to the bottom (“The Chain of Screaming”)

    60. When old friends get together, after not seeing each other for years, there is a clear winner and clear loser (whose done well in real life, and who hasn’t). It’s kind of awesome when you win (“Sandcastles in the Sand”)

    61. Hooking up with your friends ex is against the rules…well, maybe not. But you’ll end up feeling guilty about it regardless (“The Goat”)

    62. You can’t fake Bro skills. They come naturally (“Rebound Bro”)

    63. Britney Spears should have never been on HIMYM, or anything else for that matter (“Everything Must Go”)

    64. The important moments shouldn’t be wasted, because you can’t get them back (“Miracles”)

    65. The longest pause in anyone’s life is right after they propose to someone (“Do I Know You”)

    66. In life, people hold onto things. Whether its at simple as Linus and his blanket or Marshall and his burger, or a more complex and dangerous things, human beings love the familiar, and find comfort in it (“The Best Burger in NY”)

    67. If you’re going to lie to women and say you’re from another state, commit to it. And be prepared for a terrible time (“I Heart NJ”)

    68. Lily sounds ridiculous with an English accent (“Intervention”)

    69. Duh (This has nothing to do with “Shelter Island”)

    70. Breakups suck. (“Happily Ever After”)

    71. Let’s face it, being a parent is something a lot of people want…eventually. No one is really rushing this process (“Not a Father’s Day”)

    72. I really wish there was a giant building shaped like a T-Rex (“Woooo”)

    73. It works. 2/3 times (“Naked Man”)

    74. 83% of men have never been in a fight. (“Fight”)

    75. Homesickness, in some form, affects just about everyone (who doesn’t live at home) (“Little Minnesota”)

    76. I actually love this episode, because there are certain members of my family who don’t like pooping in public (“Benefits”)

    77. There is no lesson here. But the marching band scene was one of the best in HIMYM history. No, wait. The lesson is….*Bermuda, Jamaica…* (“Three Days of Snow”)

    78. No one reads resumes. Get a video resume! An awesome one, of you blowing up stuff. Who needs qualifications?! BAM (“The Possimpible”)

    79. Catchphrases are no longer funny. This isn’t the 80’s (“The Stinsons”)

    80. Every person wants to be that “better option”; the better new boyfriend or girlfriend, the better new employee, etc. But at what cost? (“Sorry Bro”)

    81. I now know who I want to be on my Front Porch, at least old friend wise (“The Front Porch”)

    82. Canada. Sucks. (“Old King Clancy”)

    83. I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS STUFF (“Murtaugh”)

    84. Taking a calculated risk is a great direction for a new company. Working from home to save money? Cold calling clients? Great ideas. Good looking guy working in your house assisting you, and your ex is your roommate? Bad call (“Mosbius Designs”)

    85. This births the best prank ever; the switch up your buddies phone number to think you’re the hot girl he wanted trick. Brilliance (“The Three Days Rule”)

    86. Marshall calculating Barney’s success rate made this episode for me. Less than 5%. Hell, less than 2%. That’s about right. Times 200? Thats so wrong. (“Right Place Right Time”)

    87. Stella is a terrible person (“As Fast As She Can”)

    88. Don’t chase after what doesn’t work. Let the Universe take over for awhile (“The Leap”)

    89. The Talk, though one of the worst things ever, is important for those casual relationships (“Defintions”)

    90. In life, you’re not looking for someone who just accepts your quirks. That’s wrong. You’re looking for someone who loves them. Cherishes them. And loves you more as a person because of them (“Double Date”)

    91. Some people are worth a lot of work to be kept around (“Robin 101”)

    92. Sometimes you just need a place to crash. And, I mean, JUST crash (“The Sexless Inkeeper”)

    93. Guy time? Extremely necessary (“Duel Citizenship”)

    94. It’s not about winning. It’s about surviving (“Bagpipes”)

    95. Fat suits are for Eddie Murphy, and Eddie Murphy only (“The Rough Patch”)

    96. Recovering from a relationship takes time, and not a playbook. Unless you can pull off the Scuba Diver. That’ll fix everything (“The Playbook”)

    97. Slapping= Closure (“Slapsgiving 2”)

    98. Everyone has that girl next door…but not for long (“The Window”)

    99. You should aim to marry someone that 13 year old you would’ve been proud of (“Last Cigarette Ever”)

    100. Everything I ever needed to know I learned from How I Met Your Mother

     
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